Connection – Our deepest desire and our greatest fear
We currently live in a zeitgeist described as a VUCA (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity) and BANI (Brittle, Anxious, Nonlinear, Incomprehensible) world – a world rife with stress and instability, significantly impacting our physical and psychological well-being. This has resulted in both PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) being included in the World Health Organisation’s (WHO) International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) of 2022 as disorders specifically associated with stress.
PTSD typically stems from acute, single-event trauma and has been recognised as a disorder since the 1980s. C-PTSD is linked to prolonged, chronic stress, often within relational contexts, and is a more recent addition. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) resulting from developmental and attachment traumas are a subset of C-PTSD that lead to the development of subconscious survival adaptation strategies. While these adaptations are essential for coping during childhood, they can significantly impact our physical health and influence our way of being (ontology), including our behaviour, relationships, and happiness, and hinder our potential and success in later life.
The NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) is a transformative method of psychotherapy designed to integrate complex trauma or C-PTSD resulting from ACEs, attachment, relational, and developmental trauma. Developed by Dr Laurence Heller, NARM integrates top-down psychotherapy and bottom-up somatic approaches within a relational context, drawing from psychodynamic psychotherapy, attachment theory, Gestalt therapy, and various somatic psychotherapy approaches.
Key Concepts of NARM
NARM is built on the idea that while past events are significant, the symptoms people experience as adults are caused by the persistence of survival adaptations developed during childhood. A core element of NARM is addressing the unconscious need to protect attachment relationships. Children often blame themselves for environmental failures, leading to a distorted sense of self. This protective mechanism, known as splitting, preserves the caregiver’s image at the expense of the child’s positive self-image, causing profound psychobiological repercussions.
The NARM Approach
NARM utilises precise techniques to address identity distortions and physiological dysregulation. It focuses on the interplay between psychology and physiology, helping individuals reconnect with their authentic selves and fostering a capacity for connection and regulation. The model emphasises that the spontaneous movement in all of us is toward connection, health, and aliveness. No matter how withdrawn and isolated we have become or how serious the trauma we have experienced, on the deepest level, just as a plant spontaneously moves toward sunlight, there is in each of us an impulse moving toward connection and healing.
This organismic impulse is the fuel of the NARM approach.
In my Neuroceptive Learning practice, I incorporate NARM principles to help clients uncover their authentic selves and achieve lasting change. By addressing both the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma, we facilitate a deeper connection to self and others.
NARM’s approach is non-regressive, non-cathartic, and non-pathologising. It focuses on present-time experiences and the mindful awareness of self, helping clients identify and disrupt maladaptive patterns. This method fosters a sense of agency and resilience, empowering clients to move beyond survival strategies that no longer serve them.
As we support individuals to reconnect with themselves after years of disconnection, they often report feelings such as coming home, waking up, self-confidence, courage, acceptance, compassion, generosity, gratitude, and love.
If you’re interested in exploring how NARM can facilitate healing and personal growth, I invite you to learn more about this powerful therapeutic approach and how it can be integrated into your journey towards greater health and connection. Please contact me.
